Some years ago I saw a set of resumes created by not-yet-graduated university students. They were all three to four pages long. This is too long, and I said to my daughter “Even Jesus Christ’s resume fits on one page”. His resume was then revealed to us during an epic road trip and I was inspired to share it with the world:
Jesus Christ (Lamb of God/King of the Jews)
ImmanuelTheChrist@gmail.com, https://twitter.com/RealJesus888,
https://www.linkedin.com/in/your-personal-savior,
https://marysfavorite.wordpress.com/
Career goals
– Seeking rewarding career helping others. Good work life balance a requirement.
Job experience
Head of Protestant Church, AD 1517-present
– Divorce and annulment services
– Oversaw witch trials
Head of Catholic Church, AD 31-1516
– Consultant to popes
– Indulgences sales rep (always be closing!)
Sitting at the right hand of the father, AD 31-present
– Judging the quick, dead
Prophet, caterer, unlicensed medical practitioner, AD 26-30
– Worked with a limited budget to feed thousands
– Supplier of fine wine
– Healing the blind/lame, raising the dead
– Managing team of twelve disciples
Carpenter, AD 20-26
– Responsible for building many items including sanding blocks, bird feeders, and miniature arks
Skills
– Typing, 40 wpm
– Proficient in Word, Excel, PowerPoint, and Aramaic
– Walking on water
Publications
– Co-author of New Testament, “The Wrath of John”
– Transubstantiation for Dummies
– One Weird Trick to Cure Leprosy
– The Book of Mormon (golden tablets)
– The Book of Mormon (musical)
References
| Name | Job title | Contact information |
| Mary Magdalene | Prostitute | theothermary@backpage.com |
| John | The Baptist | john@wilderness.com |
| The Holy Spirit | Pentacostifier | ghost@god.god |
| God | God | god@god.god |
| Peter | Disciple | simon@galileefishmongers.com |
(please don’t contact the references, I haven’t got their permission yet. You may contact Me with questions)
Update: Apparently the LinkedIn account of the Lamb Of God, Son of Man, aka Immanuel has been restricted. It will be unrestricted when I shows my government issued ID, which I don’t have.
Random ASCII - tech blog of Bruce Dawson 
Why did Jesus use a picture of some random white dude instead of his own pic for Twitter and LinkedIn? That’s kind of weird.
No cameras in the first century, and Jesus is feeling self-conscious about how old he is now.
Who’s head of the Catholic Church since 1516?
I believe the pope is in charge now.
You’ll find the pope was in charge before 1516 too.
It turns out (according to JC, who should know) that prior to 1516 the pope was acting CEO but was still reporting up to the son of god. When JC became head of the protestant church He had to resign from the Catholic church to avoid a conflict of interest – obscure heavenly law of some sort, apparently.
Or so I’m told.
Pretty good! My only question is why 888? Good/lucky numbers usually come in multiples of 7 or 12, except in Asian countries where 888 would be awesome.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/888_(number)
Specifically, if you search Jesus Christ Number you find a lot of references to 888, and a lot of social-media variations of JesusChris888 were taken already, which perversely proved that that was an appropriate name to use.
I stand corrected and learned something new. Looking at the Wikipedia entry for 777 also shows several religious connotations as I expected. And then of course there’s the ‘opposite’ side represented with 666 (although there’s robust debate about whether the number was actually 616).
Bruce, hilarious! He did go through a dark period in the Old West however, when oddly, you would have expected much of his resume experience to have been unregulated…[image: jesus_wanted.jpg]
Looks to me as if Jesus is trying to hide that period from his resume where he met with the Native Americans of North America. Tsk tsk …
Didn’t Joseph Smith write about that? That is, I think that is covered under publications, “The Book of Mormon (golden tablets)”
Skills: – Walking on water XD Awesome!